The Long Defeat

"The Long Defeat" ~ Sara Groves

I have joined the long defeat
that falling set in motion
where all my strength and energy
are raindrops in the ocean

I'm so conditioned for the win
to share in victor's stories
but in the place of ambition's din
I've heard of other glories

So I pray for an idea
and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave

I can't just fight when I think I'll win (that's the thing)
that's the end of all belief
and nothing has provoked it more
than a possible defeat

I pray for a vision
and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave

We walk a while we sit and rest
we lay it on the altar
I won't pretend to know what's next
but what I have I've offered

I pray for inspiration
and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave

There's a way I cannot see...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This song was written mostly in honor of the hardworking servants in the International Justice Mission, fighting human trafficking and unjust imprisonment and other huge problems of the legal variety around the world. But it fits for anyone who has ever gone into an idealistic, humanitarian sort of work or ministry, or any Christian who enters politics. Really, when we are standing up for truth in a world wracked with the consequences of its own sin, in the theology of Calvin, we are part of God's methods of "restraining evil" - not eradicating it. There will always be more evil than we can get rid of. The world will be at war until the Lord comes back. Sin will not give up all the ground. Hence the "Long Defeat". But we work and fight and pray anyway, because we're living as a redemptive presence where there is none else, and this is what gives life true meaning and glorifies God.

I am truly disappointed about this German fellowship not working out. I had my tears this morning. But I know that God has called me to a life that works against the odds and glorifies Him in a way that He has especially made me. As I wrote last night: God declared me a Maserati and I was made for the autobahn, so He will put me on one.

"It's too heavy to carry, and impossible to leave" - all I can do at this point is pray for inspiration and a way I can't yet see.

Here I am, Lord; send me.