Hope

Christmas is such an intense holiday.

We have all these expectations, emotional needs, things we wish were different, things we want to be perfect and lovely and wonderful, events in which we want to feel good, relationships that we want to finally work out.

And then it all goes crashing down, or we run ourselves into a frenzy trying to create the perfect moment, or cold reality stubbornly lets us know that it has no intention of magically changing into our perfect fantasy. We end up crying in the kitchen or in the car after a concert or a party that felt achingly lonely, or put a head down on the desk at work, or look at fading pictures and old home movies and weep at what was lost.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we build it up so high and work so hard (or at least feel pressure) to make everything perfect at Christmas? And even if we're not trying to do this, why does it insist on hurting so much anyway?

Sure, part of it is artificially induced by commercialism trying to sell us the perfect Christmas, whatever that means. But it wouldn't have any effect on us if we didn't want it so badly, even in spite of our best efforts to believe otherwise.

Christmas with its "peace on earth, goodwill to men" message makes us realize that we want to feel that all can be right with the world. We want our relationships to be resolved, our future to make sense, our problems to go away. We want to stop struggling and feel free of all the stress and strain and suffering that goes on in our lives. We want tangible hope that it won't always be this way. We want to see evidence that God hears our prayers and answers them the way we want, for once. We want to believe that Jesus' coming really changes everything like the preachers and priests say.

We tell ourselves, "just give me one day to feel that way. Just one." But really, that would never be enough - we want our whole lives to make sense, and we kid ourselves that one day of Christmas being peaceful and happy will keep everything together for us the rest of the year. That's about as realistic as begging God, "please get me off this hook this time, and I promise I'll never do it again." Yeah right. If only we could. Oh, the bargaining.

Control fits somewhere in the picture here too. We'd love to have some semblance of order and control over the chaos that is our lives... for just one day, we think.

Well, it ain't gonna happen. Life is what it is and we can't change it, make it go backward or fix it too easily. Maybe we'll have a charmed moment where the music's playing and we have the warm fuzzies. Maybe that particular person will come around and do something that makes all the pain go away for a few minutes. Or maybe God will send another person to do things differently. Maybe God will grant a peaceful morning or evening where we can just be grateful for the here and now, without all the problems and anxieties being solved yet. Maybe God Himself will show up with His presence so deep and so moving that everything stops in its tracks while we sit in awe, tears and profundity at the words He speaks to the heart.

On Saturday I helped out with the decorating at my Catholic church. Around lunchtime I took about an hour to run some errands and then came back. As I drove up I saw one of my beloved "Catholic Mamas" sitting on a bench outside the church, looking like something had happened or gone wrong. I walked up to her and asked if everything was all right, and as tears welled up in her eyes, she said that she'd just had the most amazing experience with the Lord, stopping everything for her. The whole story poured out, with more tears, of how she'd been so frustrated and upset about various things pushing her buttons and being thwarted in her usual routine of Christmas preparations, and then how the Lord had broken through with an "epiphany" (as she called it) of speaking through the Scripture readings for the daily Mass and through reading a copy of a monthly message by the Lord to a prophet, and then confirming His speaking with a series of little signs. It hit her between the eyes and let her know that God was in control, that there was another way to put Him first, that He was at work in all the ways she was being thwarted, and most of all that He loved her.

She was eager to read the monthly message to me and I had no problem listening; these messages heard by "Anne, a lay apostle" are printed and left in our church for people to read on a regular basis, and I have been encouraged by them for months. So she read this one, and it was so good for my own situation too that I wanted to close by sharing it with you here. May it bless your countdown to Christmas and remind you of your calling to bring Christ to everyone around you - not necessarily by the means that we want, but by the means He calls us to.

December 1, 2008
Jesus

My dear little apostles, there is so much to be done. You see the need to
bring Me to others. You see your brothers and sisters struggling in
darkness without Me. If the light is to be brought to them, it will be
brought by you. When I say there is much to be done, I am telling you that
the world needs your service, it is true. But I am also telling you that
there are many things to be done in your soul. You must be committed to
changing. Are you prepared to allow Me to make you holy? If you are not
prepared to let go of those things that prevent you from progressing in
holiness, then you will not advance. If you do not advance, you will move
away from Me. You will begin to resent Me for the crosses I send to you.
You will begin to persuade yourself that perhaps there is an easier way for
you, a way that calls for less sacrifice and less commitment. This will not
be My plan but your plan. This will be your version of holiness, not Mine.

I know that some of the services I ask from you are repugnant to you. I
know this and yet I call you into these things anyway. If you reject parts
of the work, you will be executing an incomplete plan. I have a big plan. I
build on it each day. You are part of that. I need you to listen carefully
for My directions and then serve exactly as I am asking. My dear friends,
if I cannot instruct and direct you, then who will listen to Me? Who will
trust Me to protect humanity? Where is the joy that comes from God's
children when they trust their Father in heaven? I tell you that where joy
is absent, trust is absent. When a person is humble, he will see that he
needs greater trust and he will try to become smaller so that I can become
bigger in his life and in his work. I am asking you to do that. Be humble.
Allow Me, Jesus, to be your King. My kingdom was not of this world. Your
kingdom is not of this world. You will be rewarded in heaven, My beloved.
For now, serve Me, your King, in the way I am asking. This will be the best
plan for you and for the world...