Tired.

Still tired. Still feel like a hurricane swept through.

Today at church most people seemed to think I had an immediate plan to move back to Europe in oh, say, a month. I wish I did. But I think I'll be here for a while first. Thank God I'm not having any major culture shock. This time I pretty much had my expectations in line. But I miss Geneva and Switzerland tremendously. It felt more like home than anywhere I've ever been in the US.

I sang in my friends' wedding yesterday. That went fine - the bride's mom cried and I didn't mess up, even though I got a bit nervous. It was nice to sit around and relax at the reception with some friends in the state park where they had the event.

The best part about the whole wedding and reception was when the bride and groom (loosened up with a few glasses of excellent Lindeman's Merlot by this point) got up after the toasts and told the story again of how they met. It was sheer entertainment - they were going back and forth and even though I knew the story very well from both their viewpoints, it was a sketch to watch them tell it together. It was a comedy script right out of "When Harry met Sally". We were all dying laughing at how they described their goofy selves and it was proof positive they belong together.

I have found that my reaction the last 3 days to Grandma's passing has been to get shopping done. Fortunately, my finances can handle this right now, and thank God most things in the US cost about half what they do in Switzerland, because that's meant finally replacing my unbearably squeaking and screeching car tape deck with a respectable CD player (yow! Great new sound!); getting some updates to my summer wardrobe; picking up some nice touches for my living room from Pottery Barn's big sale (LOVE the bag of seashells and my beachy throw pillows for the couches...), and today after church, Cecily and I went to a massive garden center where I got my empty balcony stocked with fragrant, beautiful plants. I love summer here... in spite of the killer sunburn I got today while wandering the aisles of petunias and jasmine. So much for my perfect tan.

Sister Maria called from France while I was picking out bouganvillea and we had a good debrief of the week's ordeal... She said picking out flowers was life-giving. Good. I found a little grapevine with a bunch of grapes on it (in honour of my grandpa Pascoe's old vineyard)... my plants look wonderful and I look forward to having a really nice summer and fall on the balcony with all these blooms. Maybe when I get some energy back, a lantern-lit wine and cheese party would be in order.

I asked myself why I was suddenly shopping up a storm. I realized it was partly because when I realized my grandma was really dying, I mourned that we didn't have much of a relationship for the last 18 years or so. We just didn't understand each other and didn't know how much we really meant to one another. It made me not want to put anything off, to really want to make use of the time and dig in to enjoying life in the here and now.

I am really enjoying my lavender, rosemary, tea roses, brilliant red bouganvillea, trailing petunias, and bright cosmos.